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THE FAMILY MONASTERY

We started out as "monks and parents" and evolved into "parents and monks". Are the kids little monks? No way. And yet there are fundamental hopes which we, as adults have, that seem to be blossoming uniquely in each child as they mature. Sometimes, as on Sunday mornings or at times of special celebrations or trouble, we do join together in prayer, song, and meditation. But usually we may be trying to touch the divine in the chapel while the kids are attempting the same goal (but probably with a different vocabulary) on our drum set! Starcross is truly a family and in that we are a small but vibrant tradition.

The first Christian "churches" were in homes until, in the 4th century, Christianity became a religion which could be openly practiced. At that time there were some who attempted to maintain the intimate family setting for spiritual life. Paulinus (354 - 431) and his wife Theresia established a renowned little monastery at their Italian home in Nola. The community consisted of a few people of noble birth, a number of children, and some former slaves and servants who lived now as equals. Paulinus was ordained a priest before coming to Nola and was later elected a bishop.

At the core of some other well known house monasteries were friends of Paulinus and Theresia. These included Melania the Elder, her daughter Albina, and her granddaughter Melania the Younger. These family members lived in house monasteries first in North Africa and later in the Holy Land. Evagrius, the great spiritual writer, was guided by Melania the Elder and later clothed by her in the habit of a monk before he left for the desert of Nitria in Egypt.

The cantankerous biblical scholar, Jerome († 420 ), also a friend of Paulinus and Theresia, was supported by a small domestic monastery in Bethlehem which included his spiritual companion Paula and her daughter Eustochlum. As in any family there is occasional discord. A monk in the little circle whispered to the writer Palladius "The fine Paula who takes care of him [Jerome] is going to die and escape his meanness, I think. ... His anger would drive out even his own brother."

Once Christianity became fully accepted in the Roman Empire monastic living began to be regulated, by the church and by the state. But small monastic experiences continued in and out of the established system. In Ireland as late as 800 there where many small monastic settlements. They often fell apart when the person owning the land died because the complex Celtic land laws tended to return the land to the family of the deceased.

There were many forms of independent communal life with the flowering of Christian mysticism beginning with the 13th century. In Northern Europe many positive experiments in spiritual living were encouraged by prominent spiritual leaders. In addition small communities existed around older forms of monastic life, such as the anchorites. Julian of Norwich (c 1343 - c 1413) seemed to have several people with her most of the time in her enclosed apartment. She was also a guardian to at least one young person.

The Reformation, and the abolition of many of the great monasteries, encouraged the growth of small monastic families. One of the most interesting is Little Gidding in England. T.S. Elliot refers to it in his "Four Quartets". In 1626, when the Puritans were gaining ascendency, Nicholas Ferrar (1593 - 1637) left London with his mother, his brother and sister-in-law and their three children, his sister and brother-in-law and their 16 children, and a number of servants. They went to a country manor house and established a monastic life with a daily round of prayer offices and good work. The first office was at 6AM and the last was at 9PM. There was a spiritual "night watch" when members of the family took turns reciting psalms. It can be argued that Nicholas was trying to preserve his concept of a wholesome Christian family life in a monastic setting, rather than the other way around. But the Puritans saw it as an attempt to bring back the hated monastic practices. The community survived until the Civil War began. In 1646 Little Gidding was sacked and the family forced to flee. The community had many friends, including the writer and naturalist Issak Walton.

The Meetinghouse at Sabbathday Lake

One of the wonderful examples of family monasticism bloomed in the United States. The "United Society of Believers in Christ's Second Appearing", more commonly known as the "Shakers" began in 1774 when Mother Ann Lee landed in New York. This was a celibate Protestant order which was a complete family with women, men and children. In fact, they referred to living groups as "families" - "The Church Family", "The North Family", "The Novitiate Family", etc. The Shakers have been, and continue to be, an inspiration to many seekers, composers, authors -- and to the Starcross Community as the following little story from brother Toby's book SEEING WITH THE HEART (copyright © 1999 by Tolbert McCarroll) shows.

Shaker music had long fascinated me, as had the spiritual life of the Shaker communities. I assumed all the Shakers were dead. It came as a delightful surprise to find a small but vital surviving community in Sabbathday Lake, Maine. A correspondence began. In the late 1960's, when my own spiritual community was forming, two of us accepted an invitation to visit the Shakers. It was a deep experience and we have remained in spiritual solidarity through the years. Each Christmas brings homemade gifts from them for our children and every holiday a card with a joyous Shaker poem or hymn. My first, and greatest, gift from the Shakers came one evening while sitting around the great stove in the Sabbathday Lake kitchen.

Sister Frances had baked gingerbread from an old recipe. This lead us into a discussion of other treasures from the past. I had been reluctant to mention that we used their hymns in our services. I thought they might consider it presumptuous for non-Shakers to make use of these songs. When I did tell them they wholeheartedly approved of our doing it. 80 year-old Sister Mildred promptly asked us to name a favorite and to sing it. We sang "Simple Gifts" [ ‘Tis the gift to be simple ..."] When we finished we asked if w were doing it the right way. "Oh, yes" said Sister Mildred "you sing it the right way." The other sisters nodded and smiled. I thought it amazing we had sung it properly. "We sing it a different way " said Sister Frances, sensing my thoughts, "but both ways are the right way." In that instant I realized that notes and interpretation were not the essence of a Shaker song. The sisters were concerned about the spiritual experience when the song was sung. There was no sense of owning or controlling the use of this song which was so uniquely associated with their own tradition.

The sisters taught us to sing many other songs that night. As we were leaving Sister Mildred said "Now we know God has put a little Shaker spark in you." I have never doubted it nor have I ever forgotten the humility with which they shared their spiritual heritage.

There have been many examples of monastic families throughout history in many spiritual traditions. We are all unique and we are all similar. Today as the large monastic communities are becoming smaller and, perhaps more important, as people look for alternative ways of living out our commitments to this form of life, more and more monks and would be monks are pondering the simple description of the early Christian community who "lived together and shared everything in common" and who "met in their houses for the breaking of bread." (Acts 2:44-46)

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